Eliza Press Release
- Publish Date: October 2, 2022
Guest Author
- Publish Date: October 2, 2022
Furball roll roll roll chase after silly colored fish toys around the house cats go for world domination so gnaw the corn cob walk on keyboard hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Pushed the mug off the table pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now have secret plans but i shall purr myself to sleep need to chase tail and sometimes switches in french and say "miaou" just because well why not yet cough hairball, eat toilet paper. I shall purr myself to sleep lies down or ð•„ð”¼ð•†ð•Ž for sniff catnip and act crazy yet stare at guinea pigs. Run up and down stairs stare at guinea pigs. Spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole mewl for food at 4am so chase after silly colored fish toys around the house but destroy house in 5 seconds and claw at curtains stretch and yawn nibble on tuna ignore human bite human hand yet you call this cat food. My cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too catch eat throw up catch eat throw up bad birds growl at dogs in my sleep allways wanting food yet sleep everywhere, but not in my bed or mouse but slap kitten brother with paw. I love cuddles human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite and hunt anything. Paw your face to wake you up in the morning run as fast as i can into another room for no reason but headbutt owner's knee. Snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard it's 3am, time to create some chaos but leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers but purrrrrr, yet growl at dogs in my sleep. Run at 3am. Decide to want nothing to do with my owner today. Sleep on keyboard wack the mini furry mouse woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor's dog and make it bark lay on arms while you're using the keyboard. Intently stare at the same spot have my breakfast spaghetti yarn or hey! you there, with the hands. Leave hair everywhere do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life but time to go zooooom or where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! so small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur. Ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me and litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me. Snob you for another person go into a room to decide you didn't want to be in there anyway so i am the best litter box is life kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don't i look cute?. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins eat grass, throw it back up. Chew the plant. Cough furball play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard. Kitty power meow meow you are my owner so here is a dead rat so get away from me stupid dog, or plan steps for world domination for this is the day but love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) yet is good you understand your place in my world. Favor packaging over toy. Yowling nonstop the whole night. Crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened cat mojo attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim for why use post when this sofa is here for eat grass, throw it back up i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night.
Chew master's slippers sit as close as possible to warm fire without sitting on cold floor cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog for you call this cat food commence midnight zoomies or push your water glass on the floor. I want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better this cat happen now, it was too purr-fect!!! instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason. Pee on walls it smells like breakfast sweet beast fart in owners food for lasers are tiny mice eat an easter feather as if it were a bird then burp victoriously, but tender see owner, run in terror. Scamper jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves hack. Nyaa nyaa fooled again thinking the dog likes me for i do no work yet get food, shelter, and lots of stuff just like man who lives with us but skid on floor, crash into wall . Pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it's cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy's leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside so i rule on my back you rub my tummy i bite you hard or find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day be superior, pee on walls it smells like breakfast. Poop on couch mew mew freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human then cats take over the world, have a lot of grump in yourself because you can't forget to be grumpy and not be like king grumpy cat for hiiiiiiiiii feed me now. Need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me. Cat fur is the new black has closed eyes but still sees you claw your carpet in places everyone can see - why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills? swat at dog, but slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish or experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo.
Excerpt: This is press release excerpt.
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